When family life becomes difficult—conflict with children, tension with partners, school issues—there is a strong pull to look outward for causes. Confucius does not say external causes do not exist, but he teaches that the noble person's first question is, 'What is my part? What can I change?' This posture is powerful in parenting: instead of only asking, 'What is wrong with this child?' parents can also ask, 'Is there something in my expectations, my schedule, my way of speaking, that needs adjustment?' Children who watch parents think this way are more likely to develop the same habit of self-responsibility.